Makeup Fasting

I have a complicated history with makeup. I struggled with self-esteem issues, especially around acne, throughout middle school and the beginning of high school; I never thought anyone, especially me, would ever think I was beautiful. Makeup was a scary thing for me—for so long, I either wasn’t allowed to wear it or was just totally clueless about how to put it on. I was afraid that if I started wearing it, people would laugh at me for trying not to look ugly. At the time, I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I was the ugliest person I knew.

But this isn’t a sob story, I promise! Things got better—much better. I went to an all-girls high school, where I learned that being smart is cool and that the most attractive thing about anyone is confidence. I made true friends and started dating. I stopped thinking about myself as the ugliest person at the lunch table, and instead about how I could look and feel my best. That’s when makeup entered the picture. I started experimenting with all kinds of products and stopped being self-conscious about the way I was using them. I learned how to have fun with it, and most importantly how to wear it so it looked like I wasn’t wearing any. I felt actually normal for the first time in my life.

Prom, for example.

That’s why I don’t think makeup is a bad thing—I just want to make that clear. It helped me to get over my insecurities and believe for the first time in my life that I was beautiful. But for Lent this year, I decided to give it up, and I want to explain why.

For me, putting on makeup in the morning sometimes makes me focus on what other people think of me—my friends, my boyfriend, even strangers. I deliberately focus on looking the way I want them to see me. But Justin always tells me that I look beautiful without any makeup at all. When he first started telling me this, I didn’t really believe him. And I like putting makeup on, so I had no reason to stop. But a few weeks ago, I realized that I really wanted to believe him. Have I finally risen above my middle school insecurities? For 40 days, can I stop worrying about what other people think of me and be confident without assistance? I decided to try.

In a way, I wanted to prove to myself that I’m not dependant on makeup. I do like wearing it, and when I go out I like to look like I’ve put effort into my appearance. But I don’t want to rely on makeup for my self-value. I don’t want to believe that I need it, no matter what. And so this Lent is a test for me—can I truly be confident without it?

I’m glad to say that so far the answer is yes. Instead of worrying about how other people perceive me, I actually think about what they’re thinking less than I did before! This is something that I did not expect. I feel clean and confident and free. No one treats me any differently, and I don’t feel pressured to act in a certain way. I didn’t expect not wearing makeup to actually make me happier!

I don’t think that this 40-day fast will turn into anything longer, but I’m really, really glad that I’m doing it. Knowing that my beauty doesn’t depend on something outside of myself is a really important lesson for me. And maybe even more important is the confirmation that my intrinsic value has absolutely nothing to do with how much effort I put into my appearance.

So if you’re wondering if you could feel confident and respect yourself makeup-free, I challenge you to try it. You don’t have to do it for long—maybe just a week or two. If nothing else, you’ll be amazed at how much time you save in the morning!