Pick Your Date(s), NOT Your Nose

    When I was a little kid, my mom used to have to tell me to stop picking my nose. There I was, a precious child in ruffles and bows with one hand politely in my lap and the other, spread out, stretching my little finger up my nose. It was like I was digging for gold! Once my mother noticed this nasty habit, she made a point to stop it. Praise God that she did, because, if she hadn’t, I’d still be picking my boogies and not even have been given the opportunity to pick my dates!     
As time went by, I finally grew out of this creepy trick. However, it took my mother many times of saying, “Ew Saige! Stop that! You’re a lady!” and countless instances of me crawling in corners and behind curtains to secretly pick my nose before I made the decision on my own to stop. Did you get that? Made the decision on my own. That’s the trick.

            Fortunately, I grew out of nose-picking. Little did I know, it wouldn’t be long before I grew into something else. This “something” is what I would like to call “date-picking”. Ever since I hit puberty, I have been fascinated with boys. This may be hard to believe. I was a painfully shy child who would blush at a cute boy asking me if he could borrow a pencil. I’d turn beet red and quickly shuffle through my pencil case for the “best pencil”. “Here ya go,” I’d nervously smile, then quickly go back to my work to avoid any more contact. This continued for quite some time until I met who would be my first boyfriend. It was summer after sophomore year of high school, and I had spent the previous semester ooing and ahhing over this blonde-haired, blue-eyed “stud”. Let me point out that I went to an all-girls school so I only saw this boy about a handful of times that semester. I really didn’t know him at all. The boys school was around the corner from my high school, and the boys would occasionally enter our territory for certain classes or to catch a bus after school. Some time went by, and I was fortunate enough to meet him at the bus stop in late spring of my sophomore year. We hit it off pretty well. Soon after that, we were facebook friends. I was new to facebook and having a boy write on my wall and comment on my pictures made me feel so good. It was like my world was magically changed from ordinary to extraordinary. Summer crept around the corner, and this boy and I began texting daily. Days turned into nights. Finally, we went on our first date in late August. He took me to dinner and a movie. We walked around downtown and held hands. It was innocent. It was precious. At the end of our first date, he shyly asked, “Saige, will you be my girlfriend?”. My heart nearly boomed out of my chest. “YES!” I screamed for joy. Now I could go and tell all of my friends. I suddenly believed I was somehow prettier, more confident, and smarter than before (I stole this from Catherine, but it’s true). Because I was so self-conscious before I dated this boy, our relationship had a HUGE impact on me. I let him define who I was. If he was happy with me, I was happy with me. If he was jealous or angry (which he had moments of being jealous and possessive), then I was a mess. After a year of dating, we broke up. He was off to college, and I was still in high school. It wasn’t working anymore, and the spark we once had was extinguished like the flame on a candle. “But we were so in love,” I sobbed to my mother. The day after we broke up, I couldn’t sit through a single class in school without hysterically crying. I felt like someone had taken my heart out of my chest, thrown it on the floor, and jumped up and down on it until all of the life that once had beat in it was gone forever. I was thoroughly depressed. But, that didn’t stop me. The next day (and I mean IMMEDIATE next day) after I broke up with boyfriend #1, I was dating boyfriend #2. I was a bit cocky and felt like I needed a rebound, quick. To be honest, part of the breakup with boyfriend #1 was so that I could date boyfriend #2. I wasn’t satisfied with boyfriend #1 anymore. We had nothing to our relationship but hormones, physical attraction, and a mixture of two good personalities. If those are the only things a relationship stands on, it gets pretty boring after a year. The flames goes out, and you’re left feeling empty, broken, deceived, and confused. You’re left without a heart and a whole lot of cleaning up to do. Remember that I said I was super self-conscious before boyfriend #1. Now, all I had to stand on was some feigned confidence and a broken heart.

            I used boyfriend #2. He liked me, and I found him attractive. Since what was once there with boyfriend #1 wasn’t there anymore, I decided to go for guy #2. Liking me, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. I put on a face like I was happy, and, what’s really sad, is that I truly believed that I was happy with boyfriend #2 (at least at the beginning). The fact that I had a new guy built up my self-esteem and feeling of worth. Boyfriend #2 and I dated for about a month. I ended it, and I was glad. Once again, our relationship stood on sand rather than stone. Several new boys came and gone. Each time, I would hope that he’d be “the one”. I would put myself out there only to be shut down and disappointed. My self-worth dwindled more and more as I continued to measure my dignity by how much boys liked me. College came. I entered freshman year a broken and afraid little girl in an eighteen-year-old’s body. In high school, I had gone to an all-girls school. Now, I lived on a co-ed floor. Needless to say, freshman year was rough. I did well academically and even lettered on the Varsity volleyball team. On the surface, I had it all together. People liked me. Inside, I was dying. Weekends would role around, and I would spend them trying to catch the attention of the cutest guy of the night. A lot of the time, I was successful. He’d kiss me and tell me how beautiful I am. He’d hug me, get my number, and flirt with me for a week. Sometimes a day. Sometimes not even beyond the night. Remember my heart after boyfriend #1? Each experience broke it further. Finally, I decided enough was enough. I was broken down to the point that I had to stop. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to do something. I gave up drinking. I gave up chasing after boys. I got down on my knees. I cried. I cried a lot. I prayed and cried. Cried and prayed. Several times in between I slipped up again. I’d go back to my old ways, wanting so badly to be loved. I’d pursue a guy in hopes of getting love in return. Sometimes he’d even say, “I love you.” I would believe it. Then, I’d be disappointed. He’d realize the relationship wasn’t built on a solid foundation. We’d both realize it. He’d leave. I’d leave. It would be over. Once again, I cried. I prayed. I prayed. I cried.

            Now, I’m a sophomore in college. This year hasn’t been perfect, but it’s been pretty darn awesome. Slowly but surely, I am coming to believe with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul that boys don’t define who I am. Some guy doesn’t define my worth, my dignity, my intelligence, my beauty. No one does. In fact, the simple fact that I am alive is proof that I AM LOVED. I feel at peace. I feel free. I feel more like ME than ever before. I’m currently single. I don’t have a boyfriend. Yes, I’d like a boyfriend. When a relationship is based on truth and love, it’s beautiful. I see that. I see Catherine and Justin, and my heart leaps for joy. I see Caty and Mark, and I know, deep down, that this is real. I see Amanda and Scott and watch in awe. Wow! True love is real. It exists! You know how I know? I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. When you witness a couple truly in love, not a “happy” couple that’s addicted, possessed, or obsessed (I’ve been there. I’ve seen that too. It’s not magical. There’s no Truth to it), something inside of you says, “yes”. Something inside of you shouts for joy and says, “I want that!”. And it’s beautiful to want it. I want it. I’m sure you want it. We all want it. It’s there. It’s there for each and every one of us. I know my time is coming. The timing is perfect when it does come. It’s perfectly timed for you. It’s perfectly timed for me. The timing is unique to each individual. I know what was holding me back from experiencing true love, and now I’m closer than ever to experiencing it. The healing took time, and that’s okay. Wherever you are is okay. Honestly.

            Now back to the “picking”. I once was a little girl and wasn’t very good about refraining from picking my nose. I once was a teenager and wasn’t very good about refraining from picking my dates. Now, I’m a young adult. I’m very good about not picking my nose. I’m getting better about picking my dates. I still see cute boys everywhere. I’m still attracted. We’re human. It’s in our nature. But, this time it’s different. You want to take me on a date? Okay. I’m open to meeting new people, and I like to have fun. You don’t respect my morals? You can hit the road, Jack. You don’t want to walk me home when it’s dark out and cold? You can go to etiquette school and learn some manners, sir. You want to touch my body before you ever want to get to know my heart and mind? I don’t think so!

I think that Emma Watson would agree that modesty is true beauty.

…I may not get as many guys. I may not even get any for a while. In the end, I know I’ll get the right guy. In the end, I know that, on my wedding night, when I say to my husband, “I waited for you and only you,” I will not even think back on those nights I had to make the hard decisions not to grind at dance parties when everyone else was doing it, not to dress scantily, and not to flirt just to boost my self-esteem. So, if you’re a young lady in the world, feeling lonely because you don’t have a guy, it’s okay. I’ve been there. I know how you feel. If you’re a girl who feels like she has to impress a guy to win him over, don’t worry about doing that anymore. I’ve made that mistake, but, truth is, the right guy will love you for you. And you want that right guy over all those other flings, don’t you? You want lasting peace and happiness over a one-night stand, right? Well, what is holding you back? What are you waiting for? Love is here. Love is now.

Some further thoughts on "picking"...

Guess what! It’s cool to be picky with your dates. The choices you make now can affect you for the rest of your life. They say the people you hangout with the most, you start to act like. So, choose your dates wisely. After all, you don’t want to end up like the pot-smoking, druken guy you might be wishing would text you back because he’s sooooo cute (I've been there-wishing that guy would text me back. Now, I'm grateful that he didn't!). You don’t want him fathering your children, do you?!! Here are some helpful tips to picking your dates, not your nose!

I want to let you in on some (BIG) secrets:
-Girls that are modest are more attractive to boys, even if they don’t outwardly admit it. It’s true. I’ve heard guys say that before.

-Guys respect girls with standards and morals. They don't respect girls without them.

-It’s more captivating to your pursuer if you let him pursue you and not the reverse. It’s the guy’s job anyways. Don’t believe that chivalry is dead.

-Girls have tremendous power (and I'm NOT trying to say that relationships are/should be a power struggle or anything. I hope it doesn't come off that way). If only we’d realize our influence!!! What girl is satisfied with the hookup culture? Let me tell you: NONE! I’ve never heard a single girl say that she LOVES the hookup culture. I’ve only ever heard girls complain about how much it hurts when the guy she madeout with (or more) last night hasn’t called her back. That sucks! It hurts! REAL bad! I’ve been there. If girls didn’t put up with the hookup culture, guys wouldn’t participate in it anymore. They’d realize that the only way to get the girl would be to treat her with respect. (And trust me, what guy doesn't want to get the girl?) Try it. It works ;) (and it helps you to weed out the guys who you wouldn’t want to end up marrying anyways).

-Make a list of the qualities you'd like in the guy you’d like to marry. Mine looks somewhat like this:

1) Has a strong relationship with God

2) Loves his family

3) Has good friends that positively influence him, building him up rather than putting him down

4) works hard

5) is intelligent

6) likes to joke and have fun

7) is athletic

8) is a good listener

(those are just a few of the things on “my list”. Feel free to add fun things too!! It’s perfectly fine if yours is different than mine because it should be suited to you! )

-if you’re on a date with a guy, and you realize he’s not a good guy, just start picking your nose at the table. That will get rid of him real fast. (Hahaha I just had throw that one in there.)