Confessions of a Workaholic

Hi, my name is Catherine…and I’m a workaholic.

I don’t mean this in the good “wow-I-love-working-and-I-find-everything-I-do-so-fulfilling” way. Whenever I meet people like this, I’m amazed. We all know them: the people who look at you with bright eyes at 1AM and say things like:

Oh, how I envy you.

“Wow! I love reading 400 pages a night! The material is just so interesting!”
“Did you know that cellular respiration makes twenty nine ATP molecules??!”
“I hope I can meet with the professor tomorrow so they can tell me more about these awesome pre-colonial African political systems!”

Unfortunately, this is not what I mean by workaholic. I feel this way about a few subjects, sometimes (yay for being a Child Development major!) but for the most part, even if I find something interesting, doing the work is utterly exhausting. And, even worse, it can be terrifying. For my entire life, I’ve been so obsessed with getting good grades that the prospect of not doing well paralyzes me. It’s a circle of doom: I’m so scared of not doing well that I can’t enjoy my work, and even though I generally do well anyway, I end up hating it, exhausting myself, and sometimes even making myself sick. This is what I mean by workaholic: I work pretty much all the time and feel extremely guilty when I’m not working, but I don’t enjoy it. It doesn’t sound very fun, does it? It isn’t.

And, as much as I believe in and write about the importance of self-confidence and dignity (ex) (ex), this is my weak spot. Sometimes it truly is hard for me to believe that my worth doesn’t depend on my grades. It sounds silly to say it, but it’s true.

The reason I’m writing about this is that I’ve noticed that a lot of people I know seem to share this problem, especially in college. On a college campus, school is your life, literally. You live, eat, and sleep right next to (or in?) the library where you study and the buildings where you go to class. Your friends are ambitious and smart; somehow they all seem to be studying more than you, although you aren’t sure how that’s possible. They also have a lot more fun than you and aren’t nearly as stressed out.

Of course this can’t be true, because so many people I know feel this way. We’re all stressed out! We’re all workaholics, to some degree. Obviously I'm not trying to say that grades aren't important, or that we shouldn't work hard. I just don't think it should be necessary for me to lose all respect for myself when I'm too tired to keep working. It just isn't healthy. There has to be a balance, right?

Part of the reason I’m taking a semester to live at home and study at Carnegie Mellon instead of Tufts is to figure out how to fix this problem. And I’m determined to fix it, because I know that school actually can be fulfilling, and that it must be possible to both get good (enough) grades and enjoy life. For me, this semester is about reclaiming my happiness and asserting myself in the face of my anxieties.

If you’re a workaholic like me (and I know that a lot of people are) then listen up: it doesn’t have to be this way. At least, that’s what I’ve been told. In any case, one thing that I know for sure, at least intellectually, is that my value as a human being (and yours) goes far, far beyond academic performance. I’ve been trying to remind myself of this every day, so that I can learn to respect myself regardless of how much time I put into studying every day.

I’ll let you know how it goes! If you have any words of advice, feel free to comment or send me an email. 

The Beauty of a Woman...

"The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years."
-Audrey Hepburn

Am I Ugly? -NO NO NO.

     I came across one of the most sickening and horrifying articles on Yahoo. The article went on about this new trend (that I was completely unaware of) called 'Am I Ugly?'. After reading I discovered that this was just as disturbing as it sounded. Apparently this consists of people posting videos of themselves on YouTube and asking people to comment with an opinion on whether they think that the uploader is ugly or not. I told myself that I would not look at any of this, but I curiosity got the best of me. After searching 'Am I Ugly?' I clicked on the fourth video. I was sick to my stomach. A little girl. A LITTLE girl. She couldn't have been more than 12, if that. After watching this absolutely disturbing video where this sweet little girl showed photo after photo of herself posing and hamming it up for the camera. I had the urge to find every video like it and comment, "NO. NO. NO. You are beautiful. You are loved. I'm sorry that you feel so alone that you need to do this, but you are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful." This beautiful little girl said she made this video because "A lot of people call me ugly and I think I am." I could not watch this and not say something. This particular video has over 4 million views and has been on YouTube for about 2 years, but videos like this one are not hard to come by. Apparently in the past two months this trend has exploded and sparked so much talk that it's been featured on talk shows and well known websites.

You are beauty. You don't need others to tell you that.

     What are we doing to each other that it has come this? A young girl feels so bad about herself that she looks for opinions from people that she does not even know. Think about yourself. Are you insecure? Have people called you ugly or maybe even something worse. I know I have been called every name in the book. It's made me feel insecure and sad, but I do not think I would have ever resorted to asking strangers to tell me whether I am beautiful, whether I am worthy of love, and whether I have should feel like a human being.

We've all felt this way.. but why?

     Every person is worthy of love. A person's self-worth is not measured by others. Why do we feel the need to bully each other? Does the bullier feel so insecure about themselves that they feel the need to make someone else feel more insecure than they do? Why? Think about how damaging that is to everyone. Young girls (and boys) learn from experience. They need role models and people to show them that they do need the opinions of others to be a true and loved human being. To those who have been called ugly, gross, disgusting, not pretty, and anything of the sort. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. YOU ARE LOVED. YOU ARE TRULY A HUMAN BEING FULL OF WORTH AND CONFIDENCE. Be yourself. You do not have to prove anything to anyone. You encompass beauty inside and out. You are loved.

Be confident. No one can take that away from you.

Pick Your Date(s), NOT Your Nose

    When I was a little kid, my mom used to have to tell me to stop picking my nose. There I was, a precious child in ruffles and bows with one hand politely in my lap and the other, spread out, stretching my little finger up my nose. It was like I was digging for gold! Once my mother noticed this nasty habit, she made a point to stop it. Praise God that she did, because, if she hadn’t, I’d still be picking my boogies and not even have been given the opportunity to pick my dates!     
As time went by, I finally grew out of this creepy trick. However, it took my mother many times of saying, “Ew Saige! Stop that! You’re a lady!” and countless instances of me crawling in corners and behind curtains to secretly pick my nose before I made the decision on my own to stop. Did you get that? Made the decision on my own. That’s the trick.

            Fortunately, I grew out of nose-picking. Little did I know, it wouldn’t be long before I grew into something else. This “something” is what I would like to call “date-picking”. Ever since I hit puberty, I have been fascinated with boys. This may be hard to believe. I was a painfully shy child who would blush at a cute boy asking me if he could borrow a pencil. I’d turn beet red and quickly shuffle through my pencil case for the “best pencil”. “Here ya go,” I’d nervously smile, then quickly go back to my work to avoid any more contact. This continued for quite some time until I met who would be my first boyfriend. It was summer after sophomore year of high school, and I had spent the previous semester ooing and ahhing over this blonde-haired, blue-eyed “stud”. Let me point out that I went to an all-girls school so I only saw this boy about a handful of times that semester. I really didn’t know him at all. The boys school was around the corner from my high school, and the boys would occasionally enter our territory for certain classes or to catch a bus after school. Some time went by, and I was fortunate enough to meet him at the bus stop in late spring of my sophomore year. We hit it off pretty well. Soon after that, we were facebook friends. I was new to facebook and having a boy write on my wall and comment on my pictures made me feel so good. It was like my world was magically changed from ordinary to extraordinary. Summer crept around the corner, and this boy and I began texting daily. Days turned into nights. Finally, we went on our first date in late August. He took me to dinner and a movie. We walked around downtown and held hands. It was innocent. It was precious. At the end of our first date, he shyly asked, “Saige, will you be my girlfriend?”. My heart nearly boomed out of my chest. “YES!” I screamed for joy. Now I could go and tell all of my friends. I suddenly believed I was somehow prettier, more confident, and smarter than before (I stole this from Catherine, but it’s true). Because I was so self-conscious before I dated this boy, our relationship had a HUGE impact on me. I let him define who I was. If he was happy with me, I was happy with me. If he was jealous or angry (which he had moments of being jealous and possessive), then I was a mess. After a year of dating, we broke up. He was off to college, and I was still in high school. It wasn’t working anymore, and the spark we once had was extinguished like the flame on a candle. “But we were so in love,” I sobbed to my mother. The day after we broke up, I couldn’t sit through a single class in school without hysterically crying. I felt like someone had taken my heart out of my chest, thrown it on the floor, and jumped up and down on it until all of the life that once had beat in it was gone forever. I was thoroughly depressed. But, that didn’t stop me. The next day (and I mean IMMEDIATE next day) after I broke up with boyfriend #1, I was dating boyfriend #2. I was a bit cocky and felt like I needed a rebound, quick. To be honest, part of the breakup with boyfriend #1 was so that I could date boyfriend #2. I wasn’t satisfied with boyfriend #1 anymore. We had nothing to our relationship but hormones, physical attraction, and a mixture of two good personalities. If those are the only things a relationship stands on, it gets pretty boring after a year. The flames goes out, and you’re left feeling empty, broken, deceived, and confused. You’re left without a heart and a whole lot of cleaning up to do. Remember that I said I was super self-conscious before boyfriend #1. Now, all I had to stand on was some feigned confidence and a broken heart.

            I used boyfriend #2. He liked me, and I found him attractive. Since what was once there with boyfriend #1 wasn’t there anymore, I decided to go for guy #2. Liking me, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I accepted. I put on a face like I was happy, and, what’s really sad, is that I truly believed that I was happy with boyfriend #2 (at least at the beginning). The fact that I had a new guy built up my self-esteem and feeling of worth. Boyfriend #2 and I dated for about a month. I ended it, and I was glad. Once again, our relationship stood on sand rather than stone. Several new boys came and gone. Each time, I would hope that he’d be “the one”. I would put myself out there only to be shut down and disappointed. My self-worth dwindled more and more as I continued to measure my dignity by how much boys liked me. College came. I entered freshman year a broken and afraid little girl in an eighteen-year-old’s body. In high school, I had gone to an all-girls school. Now, I lived on a co-ed floor. Needless to say, freshman year was rough. I did well academically and even lettered on the Varsity volleyball team. On the surface, I had it all together. People liked me. Inside, I was dying. Weekends would role around, and I would spend them trying to catch the attention of the cutest guy of the night. A lot of the time, I was successful. He’d kiss me and tell me how beautiful I am. He’d hug me, get my number, and flirt with me for a week. Sometimes a day. Sometimes not even beyond the night. Remember my heart after boyfriend #1? Each experience broke it further. Finally, I decided enough was enough. I was broken down to the point that I had to stop. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to do something. I gave up drinking. I gave up chasing after boys. I got down on my knees. I cried. I cried a lot. I prayed and cried. Cried and prayed. Several times in between I slipped up again. I’d go back to my old ways, wanting so badly to be loved. I’d pursue a guy in hopes of getting love in return. Sometimes he’d even say, “I love you.” I would believe it. Then, I’d be disappointed. He’d realize the relationship wasn’t built on a solid foundation. We’d both realize it. He’d leave. I’d leave. It would be over. Once again, I cried. I prayed. I prayed. I cried.

            Now, I’m a sophomore in college. This year hasn’t been perfect, but it’s been pretty darn awesome. Slowly but surely, I am coming to believe with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul that boys don’t define who I am. Some guy doesn’t define my worth, my dignity, my intelligence, my beauty. No one does. In fact, the simple fact that I am alive is proof that I AM LOVED. I feel at peace. I feel free. I feel more like ME than ever before. I’m currently single. I don’t have a boyfriend. Yes, I’d like a boyfriend. When a relationship is based on truth and love, it’s beautiful. I see that. I see Catherine and Justin, and my heart leaps for joy. I see Caty and Mark, and I know, deep down, that this is real. I see Amanda and Scott and watch in awe. Wow! True love is real. It exists! You know how I know? I’ve seen it. I’ve felt it. When you witness a couple truly in love, not a “happy” couple that’s addicted, possessed, or obsessed (I’ve been there. I’ve seen that too. It’s not magical. There’s no Truth to it), something inside of you says, “yes”. Something inside of you shouts for joy and says, “I want that!”. And it’s beautiful to want it. I want it. I’m sure you want it. We all want it. It’s there. It’s there for each and every one of us. I know my time is coming. The timing is perfect when it does come. It’s perfectly timed for you. It’s perfectly timed for me. The timing is unique to each individual. I know what was holding me back from experiencing true love, and now I’m closer than ever to experiencing it. The healing took time, and that’s okay. Wherever you are is okay. Honestly.

            Now back to the “picking”. I once was a little girl and wasn’t very good about refraining from picking my nose. I once was a teenager and wasn’t very good about refraining from picking my dates. Now, I’m a young adult. I’m very good about not picking my nose. I’m getting better about picking my dates. I still see cute boys everywhere. I’m still attracted. We’re human. It’s in our nature. But, this time it’s different. You want to take me on a date? Okay. I’m open to meeting new people, and I like to have fun. You don’t respect my morals? You can hit the road, Jack. You don’t want to walk me home when it’s dark out and cold? You can go to etiquette school and learn some manners, sir. You want to touch my body before you ever want to get to know my heart and mind? I don’t think so!

I think that Emma Watson would agree that modesty is true beauty.

…I may not get as many guys. I may not even get any for a while. In the end, I know I’ll get the right guy. In the end, I know that, on my wedding night, when I say to my husband, “I waited for you and only you,” I will not even think back on those nights I had to make the hard decisions not to grind at dance parties when everyone else was doing it, not to dress scantily, and not to flirt just to boost my self-esteem. So, if you’re a young lady in the world, feeling lonely because you don’t have a guy, it’s okay. I’ve been there. I know how you feel. If you’re a girl who feels like she has to impress a guy to win him over, don’t worry about doing that anymore. I’ve made that mistake, but, truth is, the right guy will love you for you. And you want that right guy over all those other flings, don’t you? You want lasting peace and happiness over a one-night stand, right? Well, what is holding you back? What are you waiting for? Love is here. Love is now.

Some further thoughts on "picking"...

Guess what! It’s cool to be picky with your dates. The choices you make now can affect you for the rest of your life. They say the people you hangout with the most, you start to act like. So, choose your dates wisely. After all, you don’t want to end up like the pot-smoking, druken guy you might be wishing would text you back because he’s sooooo cute (I've been there-wishing that guy would text me back. Now, I'm grateful that he didn't!). You don’t want him fathering your children, do you?!! Here are some helpful tips to picking your dates, not your nose!

I want to let you in on some (BIG) secrets:
-Girls that are modest are more attractive to boys, even if they don’t outwardly admit it. It’s true. I’ve heard guys say that before.

-Guys respect girls with standards and morals. They don't respect girls without them.

-It’s more captivating to your pursuer if you let him pursue you and not the reverse. It’s the guy’s job anyways. Don’t believe that chivalry is dead.

-Girls have tremendous power (and I'm NOT trying to say that relationships are/should be a power struggle or anything. I hope it doesn't come off that way). If only we’d realize our influence!!! What girl is satisfied with the hookup culture? Let me tell you: NONE! I’ve never heard a single girl say that she LOVES the hookup culture. I’ve only ever heard girls complain about how much it hurts when the guy she madeout with (or more) last night hasn’t called her back. That sucks! It hurts! REAL bad! I’ve been there. If girls didn’t put up with the hookup culture, guys wouldn’t participate in it anymore. They’d realize that the only way to get the girl would be to treat her with respect. (And trust me, what guy doesn't want to get the girl?) Try it. It works ;) (and it helps you to weed out the guys who you wouldn’t want to end up marrying anyways).

-Make a list of the qualities you'd like in the guy you’d like to marry. Mine looks somewhat like this:

1) Has a strong relationship with God

2) Loves his family

3) Has good friends that positively influence him, building him up rather than putting him down

4) works hard

5) is intelligent

6) likes to joke and have fun

7) is athletic

8) is a good listener

(those are just a few of the things on “my list”. Feel free to add fun things too!! It’s perfectly fine if yours is different than mine because it should be suited to you! )

-if you’re on a date with a guy, and you realize he’s not a good guy, just start picking your nose at the table. That will get rid of him real fast. (Hahaha I just had throw that one in there.)

(One of) My Favorite Poems

This poem is framed and hanging in my bedroom. It's called "Dare To..." by Meiji Stewart. I really like it.

Dare To...

Ask for what you want.

Believe in yourself.

Change your mind.

Do what you love.

Enjoy each and every day.

Follow your heart’s desire.

Give more than you receive.

Have a sense of humor.

Insist on being yourself.

Join in more.

Kiss and makeup.

Love and be loved.

Make new friends.

Nurture your spirit.

Overcome adversity.

Play more.

Question conformity.

Reach for the stars.

Seek your spirit.

Take personal responsibility.

Understand more, judge less.

Volunteer your time.

Walk through Fear.

X-perience the moment.

Yearn for grace

Be Zany. 

The New Blogger on the Block

Hey everyone! My name is Saige Foster, and I went to high school with Caty, Catherine, and Amanda. The three of them are some of my best friends. I really respect those girls and think they have a lot of good advice. They asked me to be a co-blogger with them. Like them, I'm also a sophomore. I go to Allegheny College in Meadville, PA.

I have to admit, I've had a lot of trouble trying to figure out what to say in my bio. Who is Saige? Well, there's no straightforward answer. I'm a lot of things, and it's that combination of strengths and weaknesses that makes me beautiful, that makes me ME. Like Caty, Catherine, and Amanda, I've had a lot of life experience as well. I'm the oldest of five daughters. I absolutely adore my younger sisters and strive to be a good role model for them. I draw on what I've gone through to inspire and teach others and try to let it shape me for the better. A little history on me: At age eleven, my parents got divorced. This divorce has had a HUGE impact on me and my life and has helped to shape who I am today. Fortunately, I love my parents to death and have a great relationship with them and my other family members. I think everything in life happens for a reason, and that we're never given anything we can't handle. I've played volleyball since fifth grade. I went to college to play as well and played my freshman year. I decided to stop playing after freshman year in order to expand my horizons-have more time to study, branch out and make new friends, get involved in other clubs, do volunteer work, have time to read, etc. Speaking of reading, I LOVE to read. Haha, I am a true nerd. I have this obsession with buying cheap, used books on Amazon (I recently discovered Amazon this year. I'm a little slow technology-wise haha). I also love good food (who doesn't?)! I believe in taking care of my body, so I like to look for the organic stuff. Take me out anywhere, and I'll probably like the food (as long as it's healthy). I was one of those kids that was eating sushi at age three. My favorite dessert is ice cream. I could give up any dessert forever except ice cream and be satisfied. I also love to workout. You can catch me at the gym almost everyday. I've recently become a huge fan of running (my goal is to be able to run at least eight miles straight by summer. I also want to someday run in a marathon). I played piano from age five til eighth grade. My goal is to get back into playing this summer (I started a little over Christmas and was really happy I could still play). I really enjoy chick flicks and romantic movies (i.e. The Notebook). I'm super driven (sometimes this gets annoying) and put a lot of pressure on myself to be my best. I'm really into volunteer work and mission trips. I love to chill out, relax, and spend time with good friends. Speaking of friends, I have some PRETTY DARN AWESOME friends. I'm really blessed. My favorite thing to do in life is to laugh. I'm currently in the process of discerning my career path, but I'm a psychology major with a minor in English. Right now, I want to be a Physician's Assistant. I hope this bio helped you to get to know me a little better. We're here for you and would love to hear your feedback if you feel comfortable sharing it. Enjoy :)

Makeup Fasting

I have a complicated history with makeup. I struggled with self-esteem issues, especially around acne, throughout middle school and the beginning of high school; I never thought anyone, especially me, would ever think I was beautiful. Makeup was a scary thing for me—for so long, I either wasn’t allowed to wear it or was just totally clueless about how to put it on. I was afraid that if I started wearing it, people would laugh at me for trying not to look ugly. At the time, I thought I was the only one feeling this way. I was the ugliest person I knew.

But this isn’t a sob story, I promise! Things got better—much better. I went to an all-girls high school, where I learned that being smart is cool and that the most attractive thing about anyone is confidence. I made true friends and started dating. I stopped thinking about myself as the ugliest person at the lunch table, and instead about how I could look and feel my best. That’s when makeup entered the picture. I started experimenting with all kinds of products and stopped being self-conscious about the way I was using them. I learned how to have fun with it, and most importantly how to wear it so it looked like I wasn’t wearing any. I felt actually normal for the first time in my life.

Prom, for example.

That’s why I don’t think makeup is a bad thing—I just want to make that clear. It helped me to get over my insecurities and believe for the first time in my life that I was beautiful. But for Lent this year, I decided to give it up, and I want to explain why.

For me, putting on makeup in the morning sometimes makes me focus on what other people think of me—my friends, my boyfriend, even strangers. I deliberately focus on looking the way I want them to see me. But Justin always tells me that I look beautiful without any makeup at all. When he first started telling me this, I didn’t really believe him. And I like putting makeup on, so I had no reason to stop. But a few weeks ago, I realized that I really wanted to believe him. Have I finally risen above my middle school insecurities? For 40 days, can I stop worrying about what other people think of me and be confident without assistance? I decided to try.

In a way, I wanted to prove to myself that I’m not dependant on makeup. I do like wearing it, and when I go out I like to look like I’ve put effort into my appearance. But I don’t want to rely on makeup for my self-value. I don’t want to believe that I need it, no matter what. And so this Lent is a test for me—can I truly be confident without it?

I’m glad to say that so far the answer is yes. Instead of worrying about how other people perceive me, I actually think about what they’re thinking less than I did before! This is something that I did not expect. I feel clean and confident and free. No one treats me any differently, and I don’t feel pressured to act in a certain way. I didn’t expect not wearing makeup to actually make me happier!

I don’t think that this 40-day fast will turn into anything longer, but I’m really, really glad that I’m doing it. Knowing that my beauty doesn’t depend on something outside of myself is a really important lesson for me. And maybe even more important is the confirmation that my intrinsic value has absolutely nothing to do with how much effort I put into my appearance.

So if you’re wondering if you could feel confident and respect yourself makeup-free, I challenge you to try it. You don’t have to do it for long—maybe just a week or two. If nothing else, you’ll be amazed at how much time you save in the morning!

... gone tomorrow!

The Conclusion to my hairstyle saga:

So here's the result! I promise I haven't been crying about my hair for the past two days. 

Here's why:

I love everything about this cut. First of all, it's very easy to manage. I literally do nothing to it and it lays perfectly. It stays out of my face, so even on windy days I can see where I am going! It frames my face and reflects light to show the natural shades and highlights of my hair. Many, many props to my stylist who asked all the right questions and gave me this new look. 

Another pro-tip for getting your hair cut: talk with your stylist. Show them pictures, tell them what you like and what you don't like and chances are they will be able to piece together the perfect cut for you. 

With any style change, confidence is key. Wear your new look with pride and most importantly, be yourself. Your haircut, your clothes, and your style don't make you who you are. What you DO in them does. 

So here's my shameless plug for the day: 

Whenever I cut my hair, I try to have enough to donate to Locks of Love. Locks of Love is a great organization that makes hairpieces for children suffering from any hair loss diagnosis. If you are thinking about making a drastic change to your hairstyle, seriously consider donating to this group. Here's a link to their website where you can find all of the requirements for donation. 

 Locks of Love

Love life and love yourself!

Hair today...

Sorry to post this after that awesomeness on love and human dignity. Here’s a fluff piece about haircuts and being confident in yourself and stuff.

To begin my post I will quote from a musical of the same name: HAIR. As the title of the song goes:

           

Give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair

Shining, gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

Give me down to there, hair, shoulder length or longer

Here baby, there, momma, everywhere, daddy, daddy,

HAIR, HAIR, HAIR, HAIR, HAIR, HAIR, HAIR, HAIR

Yes, hair is the topic of my next few posts. Specifically, I want to focus on getting a haircut.

There are so many things to consider when getting your hair cut. Am I keeping it the same? Should I change the color? Long? Short? Bangs? Before the appointment, everything is in order. I think I want it to this length, layers, and a side sweeping bang for a change. THIS IS GONNA LOOK AWESOME.

Then you get there and you FREAK OUT. So many questions come up before you finally sit in that chair. How did I tell them to cut it last time? Should I get bangs? Did I get it feathered, razored, or layered? Will I look good in bangs? SO MANY CHOICES.

Hair frustration.

That worry and anxiety increases tenfold especially if the cut you want is a drastic change from your current style.

If this reaction doesn’t characterize you, I guess I just had a lot of trauma getting haircuts as a child or something…

Personally, I love getting haircuts. For me, getting a haircut is a chance to change up my look, try something new, look a little different, and not to mention boost my self-esteem. A new haircut feels like a new style start! With a good cut that suits my style, my face shape, and my hair type, I can completely change my look while showing more and more of whom I discover I am. For example, when I just started high school, I still had bangs and an awful choppy haircut, which said, “I still feel and look like I am 9 years old!” or “My mom told me this was a good haircut!”

Exhibit A: Intentionally, unflattering picture.

Now, I am not saying that you can’t go to your mom for advice about haircuts. My mom and I just have very different views of what looks good on me. (SIDE NOTE: If any of your friends have a bad haircut, tell them. Trust me. I know from experience, they would rather know that they look ridiculous rather than get that same ridiculous haircut three times.) Anyway, after that debacle of a style, I decided to let my hair grow and it became this:

Exhibit B. Long and straight.

For years, this was me. And I loved it! I loved my long hair. I could do so many things with it. Last year, I decided I was tired of the long hair. I needed a change. So here’s a short guide to finding the right hairstyle for you through my own experience trying to find mine.

Tell me what you want, what you really, really want

When looking for a new hairstyle, or even just a new style in general, dig deep inside first. Don’t look in magazines just yet. Think back to your experiences, to who you say you are. Make a vision of who you are in your mind and how you want to be perceived. (Disclaimer: YOU are in charge of how you are seen by others. Sure, other people will make their own judgments, but their opinions shouldn’t matter. You put yourself out there and you decide how you want to look: casual, classic, edgy, sloppy, etc.) Your style should be a combination of your personality and your vision. My style is casual with a Bohemian twist and the occasional classic touch. I am sarcastic, hopeful, boisterous, and confident in who I am as a person. I made a clear picture in my head of myself and realized what was missing. My style lacked confidence. I suddenly saw the change I needed.

Choosing a style

With that vision of your style in mind, now is the time to scour your Vogue, Elle, whatever magazine you like, for hair ideas. Browse the internet, using broad terms and then narrow down your search.

Through my research I discovered that I wanted it short. I wanted to go short for a long time but never had the guts to do it. A lot of celebs are cutting their hair very short nowadays. Famously, Ginnifer Goodwin and Emma Watson both lost their locks and look amazing!

                      

I love short hair on young women because it oozes confidence and emphasizes femininity.

Details Make a Difference

When you have picked your style, do a little more research to figure out details about the style. Make sure you ask yourself these questions first: What shape face do I have?

Often, disappointment in hairstyles is derived from picking a cut that does not compliment your face. Hairstyles can look drastically different from one face to another. This image is a basic guide to help you determine your face shape:

If you know your face shape you will be able to more accurately search for cuts and for images of hairstyles on models or celebrities that have a similar face shape. If you just answer this question a lot of bad haircuts can be easily avoided.

What kind of hair do I have?

Again, to quote HAIR:

I want long, straight, curly, fuzzy,

 snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty

Oily, greasy, fleecy, shining, 

gleaming, streaming, flaxen, waxen

Knotted, polka dotted, twisted, beaded, braided

Powered, flowered and confettied

Bangled, tangled, spangled and spahettied Hair

Answering this question will again narrow down your choices and help with your choice of style and cut. For example, my hair has some wave to it so I do not want a style that will only work for pin straight hair.

Finally: Pick it

The only other thing I can say about picking a style is do all the research you can and feel confident in your choice. If the change from your current style is drastic, try it. If you don’t like, cry for five minutes (or maybe ten) and realize it will grow back in time… Yeah, just

For Short Hair Only

I did some research and decided I would take the “stage approach” to getting a short haircut. This method of haircut is to psychologically and emotionally ease you into a short haircut. So basically, I just have been getting haircuts shorter and shorter to see how I would like having short hair. So first I went from the picture above to this:

Exhibit C. Stage 1 Somewhat short

This cut was really great for me. It was really easy to style, but caused some havoc when my waves got out of control. Then I went a little shorter…

Exhibit D. Little shorter, note waves starting to get out of control

I think a crop is the best style for my hair. It allows for waves, works well with a heart shaped face, and will give my look the extra confidence it needs.

Tomorrow is judgment day. The appointment is set. Pictures to show my hairdresser, printed. Expectations, in check.  I will post the results and whether all of this research and waiting was worth it tomorrow evening (or Friday morning if I cry all Thursday night because I look like a little boy).

I’m pretty sure that as long as I don’t look like this

Exhibit E. BOWL CUT

…I’ll be ok.

WISH ME LUCK!

The Incredible Fact of Human Dignity

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about dignity, and about what it means to love people. What it means to fall in love—really fall in love, not obsession or possession or addiction. (You’d be surprised how many “happy” couples I know fall into one of those categories.) As I was trying to organize my thoughts on this, I ran across this blog post: 

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/badcatholic/2012/01/how-to-love-your-neighbor.html

and it blew my mind. Because love isn’t just about romantic love—it’s about loving people. As in, the whole human race. You might not believe that this is possible, but I do. And I think that without understanding the concept of human dignity, it’s impossible to fall in love freely. Let me explain what I mean.

The blog post that I read does it better than I will, so please read it if you want a better explanation. But I love it so much that I’m just going to quote it heavily and explain how I interpret it.

So first of all, he points out that the one type of person everyone marvels at is a newborn baby. 

“Here the full value of the human person floods us. Our natural inclination is not simply to give the baby his necessities, but to gaze in silent worship at the tiny fingernails, the nose barely more than a lump, the searching, seeking eyes. Why?” 

We love the newness of babies. Everyone intuits their dignity.

Yes, I stole this off of the other blog too.

The blog continues, 

“Then these newborns grow and — unless we are their parents — we lose our instinct of awe. This is a tragedy, if only because it is not true. We marvel at babies because they are new, but I maintain that the claim of subsequent aging is a puffed-up myth. Human beings are always new.”

When I read this I was so struck. It’s true—we treat babies like the miracles that they are, but as soon as they hit toddlerhood that awe disappears. We pass hundreds of people on the street that were once little babies in their mother’s arms. Has that dignity disappeared?

No, and the evidence that the blog gives is awesome. Just read this:

“It is an incredible fact — and one that I should be shot for not noticing until now — that it is not only acceptable, but rather expected that you treat your lover like a newborn baby. You develop pet-names, speak softly, create a nonsense language, marvel at fingers and hands — you smell the top of each other’s heads, for goodness’ sakes!....In somewhat of a profound mystery, Love urges us to treat another like a newborn. It is Love that inspires us to reject the lie that human beings grow old, and thus boring, and instead to call a human being what they are: Baby. Love is not blind, it is the gift of sight! It removes the cataracts of boredom and repetition, allows us to see each other for the first time.”

BAM! YES! I read this and got so excited. When we fall in love, we rediscover human dignity. We marvel and stare in awe at this person who has become new in our eyes. In reality, they haven’t changed at all. But finally we see the truth about them. We intuit their specialness just as we intuit the specialness of a newborn. In love we recognize the truth about humanity. And if we hold on to this truth, then it keeps us from trying to possess our loved ones. How can we possess this beauty? Humans are so much more than playthings. With the magnitude of the dignity of this person in mind, we can love them freely, always in awe of the fact that they exist. And who doesn’t want to love in this way? Or, to put it more urgently, who doesn’t want to be loved in this way?? Anything else is a lie.

Sorry if this is too philosophical, but I thought it was too beautiful not to share. Because if this is true, then it’s a lie that each human being is not precious. Everyone is a miracle. Everyone has this beauty, this dignity. Even you, you know?