The Boyfriend Complex

So, it’s Valentine’s Day. For many lucky people, it’s a time to celebrate their beautiful, God-given relationships. For others, it’s a time for a lot of movies and chocolate and tissues.  Personally, I think both things are good. Seriously.

But what I don’t think is good is an obsession I see creeping into feminine culture everywhere I look: the boyfriend complex. If you don’t have a boyfriend this Valentine’s Day, chances are you’re feeling pretty crappy about yourself, no matter how many of your girlfriends are watching She’s the Man with you. And believe me, I understand that. Girls, especially nice, intelligent, modest girls, also, for some reason, tend to think that they need a boyfriend. That’s the one thing that’s missing!!! Only he can make life perfect!!!! As long as he professes his undying love for you and you can go on dates at Olive Garden and have matching Halloween costumes, everything will be great! Everyone will be jealous of you! And also somehow you’ll be prettier and smarter than ever before! Well this is what I think about that:

Amanda Bynes says it best.

As soon as you start thinking this way (and really, who doesn’t?) you start thinking about how boring and sad your life is now. You might even think that no one could possibly ever fall in love with you. Maybe there’s a boy that you see on the bus every day that’s really cute—do you ask yourself every day why he doesn’t talk to you? This, my friends, is the boyfriend complex, and I’m sick of it.

Here’s the truth—boyfriends are awesome. When you meet someone who really does love you for who you are, you do feel changed. But here’s the key: he loves you for who you are. I know that sounds cliché, but hear me out. It’s not about “finding” the right boy. It’s not about shopping around, or dressing so boys notice you, or somehow attracting “the right one.” It will happen, all by itself.

And in the mean time, when it isn’t happening, take some time to get to know yourself. Because that’s the person that he’s going to fall for. He’s going to fall for your laugh, your dignity, and your intelligence. Won’t it be painful if you’ve forgotten about those things along the way?

I guess I sound kind of annoying, giving all of this advice out of nowhere. But I’ve been through this, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve met a girl who hasn’t. This is important! Every time I see a girl putting on an act for a guy she thinks will love her, I want to hug her. Because I know that if you put on an act long enough, you start to believe it. And that’s the worst feeling in the world.

On a related note, I also think the boyfriend complex degrades our male counterparts. They aren’t toys or trophies, and you can’t somehow “trick” one into loving you. When you fall for each other, there isn’t going to be any artifice. Seriously!!!

Justin agrees.

So let’s wave goodbye to the boyfriend complex! Justin is busy this Valentine’s Day so I expect I’ll be watching Downton Abbey.  (WHICH IS AN AWESOME SHOW.) Hope to see you there :)